Dear world....

Shut. the. fuck. up.

Preemptively asking for forgiveness from most of my guy friends....

I'm SOOOO rocking out (with a fever so I have an excuse) to Tik Tok by Kesha with no shame. My awesome friend Ed, who happens to be incredibly gay, introduced me to it and I can't thank him enough. It's my new happy song! I feel like such a girl when I listen to it. I'm pretty sure Ed does too... but that's beside the point... HAPPY!!!

This is actually me making up for not being able to party tonight. I got invited to about 3 parties and I can't make it to any of them due to my body's refusal to recover. *please don't be swine flu* If I die from a virus named after a pig... I'm fucking up whoever decided to play that particularly fucked up joke on me.

Oh man.... Perfect scenario...

*Hot tub, rain, Midori Sour, kittens, hookah, Big Lebowski, epic friends, my love, Jessica Alba and Natalie Portman, techno in the back ground*

A tad on the impossible side... but two or more of anything on that list would make me exceedingly happy.

I'm sooo sick right now I feel like I want to die!! Cold hands, cold feet, sore throat, my forehead is burning up.... Yuck. Good news though, it means I get to avoid having to eat super nasty fattening food with the family. Unfortunately that means I can't enjoy nasty fattening food with awesome friends either... But that's ok.

Four thirty A.M, I'm awake again
Singing to the dark through open eyes
While dreaming I see only you and me
Stuck between desire and compromise

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar
There's nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can't help reaching out for more

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

You're leaving these scars scattered round my heart
A road map of all the places you have been
but I can't escape, can't wash this away
when love has burned your mark so deep within

If I said I want you back I'd be a liar
There's nothing left of us to long for anymore
But inside the ashes burns an endless fire
And every night I can't help reaching out for more

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep
And I can't sleep... You're so far away from me
And I can't sleep... And I can't sleep

So... I've decided to go through with my hair cut plan. Shadows mom is doing it for me this afternoon. I'm not gonna lie... I'm gonna really miss my hair a lot, but I think it's for the best. New beginnings and what not.

In other news, I'm going to a rave tomorrow night, which I'm looking forward to quite a bit. I'm a bit nervous, but that's to be expected. Me and new experiences have an interesting history... However, good music, boyfriend and pretty lights... should be fun. ^_^

So yeah... I'm very seriously thinking about chopping all my hair off. It's been over a year since it was even trimmed and to be honest, that's a bit gross. I've got far too many memories attached to the mop that is my head and I want them to go away. Unfortunately the only two things keeping me from doing it is me worrying that I will have a fat face, and that with my hair gone I will have lost the only remarkable thing about me. Logically I know that that can't be the case, but I've grown more than a little attached to it. It is kinda connected to my head and it's been the only thing consistent in my life. Yes... it's very sad and pathetic I know. To be fair it is 3 feet long and hard to miss. I will make my choice in 3 days. That's the limit I've put on it.

I got two strong arms
Blessings of Babylon
With time to carry on and try
For sins and false alarms
So to America the brave
Wise men save
Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of Aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of Aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never
Never fight over you

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of Aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right

Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of Aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never
Never fight over you

I got plans for us
Nights in the scullery
And days instead of me
I only know what to discuss
Of for anything but light
Wise men fighting over you

It's not me you see
Pieces of valentine
With just a song of mine
To keep from burning history
Seasons of gasoline and gold

Wise men fold
Near a tree by a river
There's a hole in the ground
Where an old man of Aran
Goes around and around
And his mind is a beacon
In the veil of the night
For a strange kind of fashion
There's a wrong and a right
But he'll never
Never fight over you

I got time to kill
Sly looks in corridors
Without a plan of yours
A blackbird sings on bluebird hill
Thanks to the calling of the wild

Happy Halloween!
I've been in a shitty mood the past few days unfortunately, however I'm feeling slightly better now. I've been going through the final stages of closure with a few things which has been very good. I was a tad bitter there for a while, but things have evened themselves out. Sadly, I'm fairly sure I've destroyed any possibility of friendship with John given that I'm not very good at censoring myself when I'm angry.

Despite all that drama, plus drama with Boston, and Shadow... and Conner... Life has been pretty good. I need to find some black cloth so me and Shadow can be ninjas for whatever Halloween event we end up going to. To be honest I don't really want to do anything, but we haven't been spending a lot of time together and I know it would mean a lot to him.

Yeah... that's life. Shit happens, then you die. *shrug*

You know you're in a bad and bitter mood when you feel like the only good thing you got from a nearly two year long relationship is your cat.

I got to stay up until almost 4 doing math homework. What the fuck man... Lucky for me I had an insomniac buddy to keep me company via text. This guy Connor (warning bells) that I met at Heather's party is very interested in me and keeps asking me to sushi. Do you know how hard it is to refuse a hot guy and a free sushi offer? But I'm doing it. I'm being a good girl friend.

In other news... NEVER!! Go to Java Centrale in Carmichael. The owner George offered me an under the table job there, $600 or more a month, he would show me the ropes, and if I worked well and fit it, I would be an official employee. The catch was that in order to have the job, I had to sleep with him when ever he wanted. Not only is that illegal as fuck, and sick and wrong, but he's older than my mother!! I'm not a fucking prostitute thank you very much!! I told my boyfriend what was going on and he wants to burn the place down. A small part of me would enjoy that, but that's called arson and I think that comes with a little bit of jail time. The plan might be to get wired up at the police sub station across the street and record him saying the shit that he said to me and get him busted. The saddest part of the whole thing is that this is the requirement for every girl who works for him, and he's got at least three really sweet girls working for him. Sweet and desperate. :( This world is really sick.

I Just kinda realized, my imagination is in black and white. Not just black and white, but light value instead of color... I love color... but for some reason... I'm never around it. I'm confused.

I just got invited to Death Guild by Alaura. I'm not sure if I really want to go or not... but I don't know. I might. I'm glad that I have new friends. I'm kinda bummed that they overlap (possibly) people in the past.

I watched Reefer Madness at James' house last night. Fucking funny shit. My favorite scene is when the cute stereotypical 50's blond girl takes a hit of weed and magically turns into a kinky vinyl wearing bondage freak. lol Pretty much the whole thing is a musical about how weed is the most addicting drug ever, worse than heroine, and will eventually turn you into a zombie and make you see shit. And a the end they end up BURNING a pot field to destroy it. Nice.
Apparently it's a remake satire of a movie made in the 50's that pretty much was serious the whole time. I have to say... the 50's may have been the most paranoid decade apart from the current one.

Anyway. Over all a pretty good day yesterday. Had some bomb food and good drink, amazing movies to watch, amusing conversation... Over all a fantastic day. :D

Boston sent me a bunch of texts last night that I don't remember reading, but I deleted all but the last one so I've got part of something that seems to be very heartfelt... but I really don't get it. Then I got a phone call from Jon's dad at 1:30 in the morning... that was fucking confusing. Then Jon talked to me and I just did not follow at all. The Ben texted me a lot, and I think we talked on the phone a bit...
Yeah.... this was all after about 12 am too. I wanna take a mental health day.

Good day. Rumors squelched, talked to old friend and work out some shit, ate too much >_< did chores, was there for another friend... good day. Time to go pick up KITTENS!!!

"They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now
They'll say.
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now
But we'll stay....."
~Such Great Heights

Shadow: AHHH!! Fuck!
Rachel: Did a fish just go up your shorts?
Shadow: Yes....
James: Did you like it?
Shadow: Maybe....

Long fucking day.... But I feel like an artistic genius... My art homework, that was due today, was WAY better that everyone else. It was of a still life... and I did it in 15 minutes before class without any still life to work from. Boss like? What I feel I need to point out is that it's actually a very good drawing, not just compared to everyone else's.

Also, my road rage came out pretty strong today. I started yelling at cars that were going too slow or doing dumb shit and cutting me off. Stupid people piss me off. I wish I could smite them some how. God can do it right? Speaking of which, the fucking religious tent people set up their booth right next to my chill out place. There was a mini riot because some dumb ass was trying to disprove evolution (not one of the church reps) and didn't know why he was saying what he was trying to say, and then a group of guys from the choir called him out and were explaining that, no evolution is not a hoax, and that the Bible is fallible... I headed over to art before it got too nuts so I didn't see who won that debate. Honestly, I don't even care.

I'm so wiped right now. I've got class in a little over an hour, and I should have been out of the shower probably by now, but today is my brothers first full day back to school, and my mom has work, so my brother jacked my shower time. I suppose I should be happy about that because it indicates that he's actually showering, but never the less... Kinda grates on my nerves when my morning routine gets fucked. I'm already exhausted because Ben keeps making a habit of calling me at 4 am. Or 3 am. It's getting annoying. He's a nice kid, but fucking A... I want my sleep. Him being more of an insomniac than I am doesn't give him the right.

Also, saw The Boondock Saints.... fan FUCKING tastic. I must own it.

I met a python named Monty. SO FUCKING BALLER!!!!

I love meeting new people! Especially when you make friends with people you thought hated you. Definitely a good few days. ^_^ Clean room, new friends, good food... I'm in Rachel heaven. WOOT!!

( Hold Your Colour )